Hello there again, my mates. I've returned to teach you some more about how murder can make you famous. Or at least well-known in the circle of freaks who like to read Wikipedia articles about serial killers on a sleepless night around 3 a.m.
The worst part? He was an actual doctor, a GP at that.
The whole ordeal with Shipman has had an impact on the legal side of British healthcare. Well, no wonder. If one dude had the power to murder hundreds and go unnoticed for years, it sure is wise to screen doctors regularly.
I get bored sometimes, okay?
This time we're going to look into the world of those homicidal freaks who went to the loo instead of the restroom in between despicable acts of inhumane cruelty. Those psychopaths who, when pissed, were drunk instead of angry. Those murderous bastards who wore jumpers instead of sweaters during inclement weather...
Yeah, yeah, I get it you got it that today I'm going to tell you about the British serial killers. Let's move on.
1) Harold Shipman
He kind of reminds me of Robin Williams, and it makes me angry.
Remember Donald Harvey, the American "Angel of Death"? Pfft. What an amateur.
Meet "Doctor Death". Not only is he the most prolific serial killer in the history of the United Kingdom, but also one of the most prolific serial killers in the history of the entire world. As Americans say, this son of a gun had gone the whole nine yards when it came to being a murderous psycho.
His total victim count amounts to 250 deaths, the majority of which were elderly women.
What brought the end to his murderous antics? Greed. He tampered with the will of one of his "patients", excluding her children in order to award himself with almost £400,000 for his questionable actions. From there, his "career", both as a doctor and as a relentless murderer, fell apart like a house of cards.
What's interesting, before the police caught wind of his heinous crimes, many people had suspected him for playing cruel God to his patients. He went on for a few months more after the police had been notified, and managed to murder 3 more people under his care.
They probably had to attend to more pressing matters than a psycho doctor on the loose, give them a break.
But, fortunately for elderly patents and unfortunately for Shipman, at some point the police got it together and seized him. Better late than never, I guess.
Shipman hanged himself in his prison cell on 13 January, 2004. I got to applaud the self-awareness on his part.
I don't usually make light of suicide, but this one rid us of an actual monster.
2) Dennis Andrew Nilsen
Alright, Shipman has trailed a blaze very few are able to follow, so you might not feel much impressed with the modest murder count on Dennis, however, we ought to give him some credit for being gross even for serial killer standards.
While Shipman killed his victims in a clean, almost... classy way, Nilsen wandered into some truly godless regions.
The pop culture has been feeding us lies. The worst serial killers don't walk around flailing chainsaws and wearing hockey masks. They look like your average Joe.
Dennis murdered at least 12 young men between 1978 and 1983 in London. He would lure his victims into his apartment where he would strangle or drown them. Then, he would perform a "ritual" of bathing and dressing their bodies. I would rather not go into detail; just reading about it makes my skin crawl.
Later he would just stow the bodies of his victims under the floorboards like discarded toys. Sometimes he would even go as far as dissecting the body and... flushing it down the toilet. I don't think he was a very bright individual.
He got discovered when the authorities decided to examine the complaints of Nilsen himself and his neighbours about the awful smell coming out of the drain. As one can imagine, the odour of rotting flesh stuck in the pipes can become quite a nuisance...
The drain had been cleared, however, the drain inspector started to have a strong suspicion that what he removed from there was in fact... human flesh.
To draw the attention away, Nilsen tried to convince the inspector it looked like "someone was flushing down KFC in there" (I can imagine him chuckling nervously while saying that), but soon enough he had the police knocking on his door just to find the vile smell was coming straight from the drain pipes in Nilsen's apartment. Gross!
One thing led to another, and Nilsen was caught, tried and thrown into jail, forever.
He probably greatly regretted filing that complaint.
Nilsen to himself, probably at some point.
3) Peter Sutcliffe
This one falls into the category of the most typical serial killers. I've read so many articles about them, Sutcliffe's modus operandi sounds like the very definition of the cliche.
Seriously, Shipman had style, Nilsen was vile, and this guy... Yawn.
Apparently, Peter heard the voice of God, and that voice convinced him to go on a rampage against prostitutes.
Booooooring.
Sutcliffe, a pious Catholic man and a regular client to prostitutes (because, apparently, it didn't dawn on him these two things should exclude each other), got really, really angry when one of the women providing him with services of appeasing his ungodly desires, decided to trick him out of his money. This prompted him into a wave of execrable violence against sex workers.
No, wait, it was the voice of God.
Probably everyone sitting on the jury during his trial.
He tried to weasel out by playing the schizophrenia card, but the jury was wise enough to reject his claims.
People suffering from schizophrenia really don't need that kind of bad rep, Peter. They have enough of awful misconceptions to tackle on a daily basis without your stupid excuses, you blundering prat.
Bye.
He was convicted for thirteen murders of women and seven unsuccessful attempts.
He changed his last name into his mom's maiden name, Coonan, but he ain't fooling nobody.
Something Peter's mom had probably never said to her disgrace of a son.
He tried to appeal a few times to get out of jail, but he got denied every time.
A very fitting fate to a very mediocre serial killer.
That's it for today!
And remember: if your grandma has a cold and her doctor looks like this old chap right there... find her a different GP and promptly call the police.
Cheers!
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